The Nick Kilhams Foundation: The importance of sharing mental health struggles

The Nick Kilhams Foundation (NKF) has been set up in memory of Nick Kilham, a well-regarded professional in the insurance industry who sadly took his own life. Nick’s wife, Catherine and all the trustees of the charity hope funds raised in Nick’s name will flag awareness of mental health challenges in the insurance industry and give support and make a difference to individuals and the families of people who feel, for whatever reason, unable to speak to anyone else.

TXF: Can you please talk about why the Nick Kilhams Foundation (NKF) exists?

Catherine Kilhams (CK): The Nick Kilhams Foundation was formed following Nick’s death in May 2021. Nick was made redundant just after Christmas in 2021 after a 22-year career leading a political risk and credit team at a Lloyd’s syndicate. Nick was a very proud man and this hit him hard. COVID too impacted and prevented Nick and his wife, Catherine, from taking time out to re-evaluate. Instead, Nick become obsessed with securing his next role, and his inability to expedite this troubled him greatly and he became increasingly depressed at his lack of progress. 

As a consequence, Nick started to withdraw from his family. In April 2021 he tried and failed to take his own life. In May, tragically, he succeeded. 

Nick managed very successfully to hide his mental torment. In the days between his two attempts, he heard how much he was loved by family and friends. He shared, for the first time, the demons he had been battling. As a 53-year-old, he struggled to share these feelings. The London Insurance Market is not an environment that fosters the sharing of struggles. 

The NKF will promote mental health awareness and support specifically targeting the London insurance market.

TXF: What are the main issues the foundation is looking to address?

CK: The NKF’s focus is to support people who are struggling mentally and feel unable to share their issues as well as offering support to those bereaved families impacted by suicide. The family is prepared to showcase Nick’s plight in the hope that others will be strong enough to speak before it is too late.

TXF: How will the foundation do this?

CK: The NKF is not intending to build its own support infrastructure, but rather identify and work with existing charities to tailor something for our target audience. A lot of research has already been conducted to determine which charities fit our criteria and a number have been identified. 

TXF: How can people get involved?

CK: It would be wonderful if people felt they wanted to make a donation to the NKF, by directly paying into the bank account. (Please email catherine@kilhams.email for bank details).

Alternatively, the NKF is set up on Just Giving, so if someone wanted to complete a challenge, they could make the NKF their charity [see below].

TXF: What signs should people be looking for in their own lives, or in other colleagues, as a sign that they may need help?

CK: In hindsight I can see that Nick became very quiet, he lost weight, he seemed to drink a lot more than was normal, it appeared he was watching life from behind a pane of glass. He also became quite unkempt. These are the signs I missed whilst living with him but looking back, I can now see the deterioration:
 

• Feeling anxious or worried for no reason and for more than two weeks
• Feeling down or unhappy for no reason and for more than two of weeks
• Loss of energy and motivation
• Emotional outbursts
• Increased alcohol or other drug use
• Feeling guilty or worthless
• Changes in behaviour or feelings. 

TXF: Can you give us a sense of Nick, the man, what was he like?

CK: Nick was a wonderful man. He had a larger-than-life character. Always laughing – you always knew where Nick was, either at work or on the golf course because of his booming laugh. He was always interested in other people. 

 He loved his job, although he did find it extremely stressful at times. He was the man that everyone wanted to sit next to at a dinner party. He was a great raconteur and always had a funny story to tell. He told the whole market about all his family antics, sharing amusing stories and he told his family everything about what happened at work.

Nick shared everything – it is just a tragedy he didn’t share the thing that mattered the most – his mental health struggle.

Four marathons in four days in aid of the NKF

Already, Nick’s legacy is inspiring the endeavours of fund raisers. Nick Robinson, head of credit and political risk at HDI Global Specialty, is planning to run four marathons in four days in aid of the NKF.

 “I miss Nick, and I wanted to do something genuinely challenging in his name. As many of you know, the NKF will support initiatives to raise awareness of mental health issues, including suicide, in our insurance community. I hope you would agree that the charity is a worthy cause, and that my challenge, is, well, challenging!

“Between 29 May and 1 June I’ll make my way from the Cape Wrath Lighthouse in the far north west corner of Scotland, to John O’Groats in the far north east corner of Scotland. 

 “The Cape Wrath lighthouse is also known as the Lloyd’s Buildings, having been built by the insurance market to protect and monitor shipping crossing into the Atlantic,  seems like a fitting start point for this challenge given Nick’s long time spent in the Lloyd’s market,” says Robinson.

 “The money raised will make a difference to prevent similar tragedies happening in the future within our community,” Robinson says.

Personal or corporate donations can be made via https://www.justgiving.com/nicholas-robinson49.